The Hard Goodbye: Part 2

 Back in August when I left Missouri for Disney I wrote "The Hard Goodbye" as a way of letting those in Kansas City know how I felt about them in case I didn't return for one reason or another. It was also to make sure I said my goodbyes to everyone in K.C. because I honestly didn't know when I would be coming back. I planned to some day, but never was sure when. I didn't know if I was going to like the Disney thing and stay longer, or hate it and go home early. Now I stand on the edge of my return to Kansas City (A triumphant one I hope) and I find myself in the same situation. Regretting I have to leave.

You see, I'm excited to come home to Kansas City. I'm looking forward to seeing all my friends again and not having to just talk to them from long distances on the phone. But I'm deeply saddened by what it means for me here. I've lived in Orlando for the past 5 months, and it has become my home. I've grown used to the surroundings. I can get around without asking anyone for directions, I can point people in the right direction too. But what hurts the most is leaving my friends. You see, when I came here I left my family and friends in Missouri to wait for me to come back some day. Those in K.C. will always be my family and my deepest of friends. But in their absence a gained a new family. The CP's. We grew together. Out of necessity I guess. We all were without those we love. To survive we leaned on each other. And in there somewhere we started to love each other. As a family. We laughed at each other, supported each other, picked on each other, etc. And I will never forget any of you.

So as I did on August 13th 2007, The day I left Missouri for Florida, I'm putting out there what I couldn't bring myself to say to you all in person as I prepare to leave one home (Florida) for another (Missouri).

Steve: Like a brother I didn't know I had, It's become obvious why we would get along so well in the future when we were first introduced. Being from the same college and all it only made sense to that two Missouri boys from Belton would get along. I'm looking forward to hanging out in K.C. when we get back. It's nice to know that not everyone I shared this great expierience with is going to be a thousand miles away.

Kris: I have to admit I didn't like you at first. And to be honest, I kinda told Ashley that I thought you would cheat on her. lol, Sorry. In time I gave you a chance we became good friends. Proving once again that if your from Missouri you must be worth a shit. Can't wait to hang out with you too.

Ashley: Proving once and for all that there actually are people who live in Oregon. And I thought there was nothing to do there (well I still do). You were one of the few people I connected with almost immediately. Then I almost blew it in November. I hope it didn't make things too weird. I still consider you one of the best friends I had down here, even though we didn't talk nearly as much the second half of the semester. Keep in touch, and don't give on the dancing. As well as the rest of your dreams.

Stan: We never found out the age. I was informed by some it was like 42. It really never mattered to me because you were one of the few real people I knew. You were also one of the first I met. We must stay in touch brother. Good luck on all your future projects. I hope you put the screenplay program to good use.

Anthony: I don't think I've met anyone at Sunset who didn't like you. Just one of the coolest people I've ever met. I hope I get the job at the airport so I can fly up to Philly sometime. Keep in touch.

Hye Ji: Their's nice, and then there's Hye Ji nice. There's not a mean bone in your body, we all love you for your sweetness. Just adorable. Take care little one.

Tina and Fary: Proving that even a puggy stomach can be cute. You both gave me hope that maybe someone can find this overweight guy attractive. Much love to both of you.

Bere: She's not just Very nice, she's Bere nice. Your a darling, and a true sweetheart. Keep your soft demeanor, it's what makes you special and lovable. Take care.

Joe: You left early to little Puta! But no matter, One of the rockers from Sunset, it was great to find someone with similar music interests. The Papa Roach concert was Awesome. Don't be a stranger.

Tayer: You are the Guitar Hero master. I bow down to your prowess. But I'm sorry, Oklahoma sucks. Boomer Sooner my ass, Mizzou will win next year. Keep in touch, your not that far away.

Mabel, Briana, Jessica, Melyssa, and Stephanie: The Sunset girls, you were all the life of the parties. Always making things fun. Stepher, I'll alway remember your great lines, especially the "Great White", lol.

To my Old Roommates in Chatham, Danny, Casey and Jon: It may sound odd, but I miss living on the couch in Chatham. I know that my living arrangements there were not the best, but I hope you guys understood. Ever since I moved to Metrowest I regretted leaving. We may not have talked much, but you guys were great. I hope we can be friends.

And to Diana: My sister from Mexico. You were a friend so special to me I can't find words to tell you how much I love you and will miss you. Our talks late at night in between Buildings 24 and 25. I remember the first time I saw you. I thought you were the most beautiful woman I had seen since getting to Florida. We sat next to each other on the bus ride to Traditions from Chatham and I thought, "This girl is so pretty, She'll never talk to me." What do you know? We ended up in the same training class, and eventually worked together. And of all the people I met this semester, you were the most special. I love you, I hope you know that. We are Amigos Para Siempre (I hope I spelled that right.). Follow your dreams, I know you have the will power to do whatever you set your mind too. I hope to see you again someday. The sooner the better.

To those who may not have been mentioned individually, and to those who will never get to read this like Gerald, Pierre, Saint Ville and all the others, know that you were all very special to me and helped my become the new me I am today. May I see you all again someday. I will truely miss everything.

Signed: Justin R. Jones

Currently Listening Minutes to Midnight By Linkin Park see related

Hope

      "The unknown future roles towards me. I face for the first time with a sense of hope...." - Sarah Conner

This quote is a little out of context, but it serves a purpose. Today I did something I haven't done in 6 years. I asked out a girl that I liked. And like the last, well, 4 times I got a no. Infact I got "Your a really nice guy and all, but I don't like you like that..." and "We can still be friends." Yeah, is that not exactly the words i've said I don't wanna hear? I mean, possible the most bullshit answer ever, but I got the point. But why the quote?

As synical or mad as I may sound i'm actually not upset at all to tell you the truth. Not hurt, well, not hurt very much at least. And infact, I'm actually rather happy. Sounds weird doesn't it. I got rejected again by a girl I really like, and I'm happy. You may ask yourself why?

Cause I think I've finally figured out what's wrong. Me. Not something wrong with Me, just Me. You see all these years i've blamed my failures on outside things. Girls who just don't seem to see that I'm a great guy. My inability to talk to girls I like. My bad looks. Etc. Always excuses. But during this latest attempt at breaking my long single streak I reached out for some advice. And I heard some common threads. "You gotta learn to love yourself before you can love somebody else." "You let your insecurities get the best of you. You have to overcome those insecurities because they show through." "Confidence." "Relax" and above all of them, "If you wanna get somewhere you gotta take a chance. Your always gonna be single if you never ask." Well today I took a step forward and took a chance. It didn't work out, but I felt better. Because I knew that I don't have to worry about it anymore. Becuase it's not the end of the world just because this girl doesn't wanna date me. So what?

Listen. She is a great girl. She's fun to be around, and smart, and beautiful and all. And it would have been great if she said yes. But she didn't. Too bad, her loss. WHATEVER! Michelle told me something today, "You need to confront your insecurities before you'll ever be ready to be a boyfriend." And I plan to Michelle. For too long i've been shy or nervous around girls I like. Trying to be something I'm not to impress them. THEY DON'T SEE THE REAL ME! That's where the advice comes in. I need to "relax". I need to know that I am good enough, am smart enough, and am the right guy. Maybe not for her. But someone. Some lucky lady is gonna get the new me. And I'm excited. Cause today....I'm full of hope.

Signed: Justin R. Jones

Currently Listening Graduation By Kanye West see related

Orlando

Currently Listening Daughtry (+2 Bonus Tracks) see related

I'm going home.